Using the Dark Side

After my post yesterday, I stood and stared at my weight. The numbers screamed ‘you’re fat’ and ‘everyone sees you as a fat ass’. Just reading those simple words can break someone down to tears and cause them to head to the nearest Whataburger or hit the bottle hard. That wasn’t me last night. I made sure I imprinted those little digital digits in my head so I will never forget how much I ignored my health. My focus was on that big number….311.4 lbs. You might think this a bit dramatic or inflicting negative thoughts on myself but the reality is I needed to feel the “dark side” to really let it sink in. One of mentors once said, “It is always darkest before the dawn”. Those are the words that fuel me today.

My focus on the dark side today fuels more than any positive thinking or any motivation one can get out a 10 minute video off YouTube. Motivation only goes so far. What is truly needed is action. At 2:35 this morning, I woke out of a dream and my first thought was, “Get your ass to work”. While you were sleeping in a warm bed, dreaming lollipops and freaking rainbows, I got to work. With each step my focus was to make sure I did whatever it took to lose this weight and be better than ever before.

During my walk, I could feel my back tighten with every step. Definitely out of shape. Some people may have stopped at that point and went onto the next thing. It was at this moment, I focused on the pain….sounds silly but it is true. I focused on the pain that was from neglecting my body that I caused. Thoughts of, “this is what you get dumbass. You got what you deserved. PAIN.” After a few minutes of focusing on the pain, it went away. Somehow I had fought through the pain and it was no longer an issue.

Was there really an issue with my back that caused the pain? Or, was the issue in my head?

The issue is definitely in my head and I am bound to fix it.

We all have a “Dark Side”. It’s how we can use it that really matters.

My “Dark Side” fuels me. Time to reverse the negative effects and get back to where I need to be.