The Devil Won This Round

This has been a difficult week for me. Obstacles have littered my path and the enemy has been watching my every step (Que “Every Breath You Take” by The Police). The fight is real and I had a standing 8 count several times this week.

The biggest obstacle that I have encountered this past week was alcohol. Not alcohol or drinking itself, but what came from it.

This past Saturday I was smoking a pork loin and enjoying the weather. Thoughts of how nice it would be to have a drink. If you are a follower of this blog, you might remember that I haven’t had a drink since Easter. However, the idea of drink was there and decided to grab something. Friends came by for dinner and we had a few more.

With each sip from my drink of choice, the voices in my head were loud and clear. VERY clear. “You failed.”

“You let people down.”

“You didn’t do what you said you would.”

“You will never quit drinking, you like too much.”

“Accept it. You are average.”

When Sunday afternoon came I went to the fridge and without hesitation I grabbed a drink. From the moment that I opened it I knew that I shouldn’t be drinking. Thoughts in my head were racing and my wife asked why. My response was to get it out of the house and I would do so by drinking it. Not throwing it away. (Insert eye roll here)

Monday was back to business and we had a few speed bumps thought out the day. Alcohol in the fridge was gone, but I had a couple drinks left of whiskey left in the cabinet. Pouring those drinks were easy and took the edge off. As I was getting ready for bed I took a 10mg melatonin to help me stay asleep through the night. This decision cost me 36 hours of issues.

My alarm went off at 3am as it always does and I stumbled into the bathroom. My body bounced off the walls like a pinball machine. Brushed my teeth with my eyes closed and started to fall back asleep at my vanity. I struggled to get back to bed without waking my sleeping wife. Laid down and started to drift back to sleep.

The voice in my head started talking again. This time saying “there are people counting on you. Get up and get to work.” I got out of bed and walked to the garage almost like a zombie. Put my wraps on my hands and started my 12 round workout on the heavy bag. During round four, my eyes were closed and I could feel my body drifting into sleep mode. I ripped the wraps off my hands and went to my couch. Woke up at 6.

Having the alcohol and melatonin in my system created havoc in my body. How does someone nearly fall asleep when they are performing an exercise? Too crazy.

Headaches and negativity have plagued me this entire week. My focus is getting back to even and not drinking. Now on day 2 of not drinking. Back on my routine. Time to get back to winning.

I share this to be transparent. Share my struggles. My suggestion is for everyone to look at themselves and see what they struggle with. Find something healthy to replace that struggle and overcome the negativity in their life.

Peace and blessings to all! - JP