An "Un" Happy Father's Day!

These last few days I read quite a few posts about how great their father is/was. The gratitude for my father is a bit different from those.

My parents divorced when I was about four. He never really participated in my life and until it was too late. The posts I read were ones of fairy tales, sunshine and rainbows. Mine were the opposite. The truth is they were just the opposite.

However, my father taught me things that some men take for granted. Here is a list of things my father taught me.

My father taught me…

• to honor my wife and family

• to stay home at night instead of “going out with the boys”

• to never take for granted the moments I have with my children

• that it is manly to hug their children

• to engage my wife and kids by looking into their eyes

• that it is ok to love

• that it is ok to give words of encouragement

• To live my life to its fullest

• Never take a day for granted

• Always show up when you are expected to be there

• Give a shoulder to cry on if it is needed

• Make my family my main priority

• Spend as much time with the family as possible

• To have meaningful conversations

• To make myself available

• To be there when they need me to be

Ultimately, to not turn out like him. My father did none of the items listed above. These are things he taught me without never telling me. It is what I observed.

My mother shared with me a while ago that she remembered a conversation with me before I got married. She asked “what took you so long to propose?” I thought about it for moment and said, “I don’t want to fail at being husband or a father.”

A few years before my father passed, he was in the hospital battling Parkinson's Disease. It had been years since I had seen him last (we did talk on the phone every couple of weeks). While he was getting treatment, my step mom and I went to the cafeteria for coffee. While we sat, she shared how my father felt awful about not being there for me.

It was good to hear that he felt bad, but why did he live with that and not share with me sooner? He could have said something the years prior but he never shared while on the phone. My response to my step mom was that I was not upset and I didn’t hold anything against him.

In fact, I shared that I should thank him. “Why?” She said.

“Him not being there made me the man I am today. I will be ever grateful for that.” I responded.

We shared good conversation and thanked me for not harboring bad feelings toward him.

If your parents were there for you and offered unwavering support, consider yourself lucky. I am not asking you for pity or sympathy. In fact, I am happy that my life turned out just the way it did. It made me realize the type of father I need to be for my kids and the husband that my wife deserves.

The key take away I hope you got from this is to be a better man. Be a better father than the one you grew up with or didn’t grow up with. Your family is depending on you to step it up and be the man our Creator had in mind when He created you. Step up your game and be a man.

Peace and blessings! - JP